My Thoughts Lately

For the last couple of months I've been thinking about a lot of things. A lot of deeper, personal, faith oriented things. They just keep piling up, needing and wanting to get out. I contemplate putting them on the blog but because of limited hours on the computer and timing, I never seem to have the time at the moment to sit down and write it all out. Which has been bothering me. Especially because I really want this blog to be more. More about my heart, my feelings, my experiences, my faith. But how does a person go about doing that. I guess I just need to start.

Oh but where to begin. I have so many things I want to say. I guess I'll just start somewhere.

These last couple of days my dad has been having some health problems. Nothing too serious, but seeing the probability of it in the future has really been working it's way throughout my mind. My dad has had various health issues through his life. He's battled cancer twice, has high blood pressure and other issues that stems from not taking the best care of his body. He knows it's an issue, but isn't too concerned about it because he has no fear of death. He's at peace with his life, he knows that greater things lie past this earth life and has no fear of going whenever his time comes. That's fine.

The rest of the family though, especially mom wishes he would realize that despite the fact that he isn't too concerned we are. We need him in better health, not because we wouldn't survive if he did go, but because there are worse things than death. There is more physical problems, and health issues that could make life much more harder. Especially since he runs his own business, and is the sole worker. He has no one else that can really do his job. If he can't go to work, there is no business. That in itself is a scary position. Luckily this last week when he did wind up in the hospital my brother was home and able to run the truck for him. That will not always be the case. I'm beginning to realize my parents are getting old. I'm worrying more about what they are going to do with this business and how they are going to run it as the get older. Especially if dad's health get's worse.

We also try to stress to him that we need him to take care of himself so that we can have him around longer. So his grandkids can know and have a relationship with their grandfather. When he was around my age, and when I was only 3, his father passed away unexpectadly. I grew up without him in my life. What did I miss out on? What could I have learned from him. What kind of a relationship could I have had with him. I want my kids to have what I didn't have. A grandpa.

But seeing what he's going through, has also made me realize how much I need to take better care of my own health. How I need to watch what I eat and be careful and aware of becoming diabetic. Loose this extra weight, which is a mental and physical battle daily. To make sure that physcially I am the best mom my kids could have. Why is this such a battle? A daily battle. One that I want to win, but end up getting so discouraged some days when it looks impossible.

But in reality I know it's possible, because I did it once before. This time will be harder... because I've got 5 other people depending on me, needing me every moment, and cutting into my time... but it is still possible. I just have to keep telling myself that.

In reality we've been so blessed with these amazing, incredible, wonderful bodies. Our Father's greatest creation. We needed them in order to become like him. Satan can and never will have a body like us, and so he's in a full fledge war to ruin ours. Why do we let him. Why do we succumb to him with addictions to achohol, drugs, food, sugar and other substances that aren't the best for it. That make it so we no longer have control over it. Why do we treat it so cheaply in this world, with low morals and values of modesty, immorality, pornography or filling our minds with filth. Why do we deface it, covet it, and cheapen it? Why don't we see it for what it is and take care of it, treating it with respect. Realizing the gift we've been given. Lately I've been realizing how Satan is getting at mine? Is he getting at yours?