Sunday, January 15, 2006
A day or two after Beau finished up his final semester... a very long semester at that, I had a breakdown. As I was crying and letting him know how I felt like everything else was at the top of the list, and I wasn't that important. That school, Kurt, the Robot and Dr. Lee got his time but I didn't he said something that hit me very powerfully at the time, that made me think, and re evaluate things. He said.. "I guess my feelings about this whole semester and all that I've had to do with school is this.... that WE are going to school. That it's not just me going to school. That it was something that WE both wanted, that We were both doing and dealing with, and it was just HIM going to school. And if it's not something that you want, than we need to re evaluate and decide what WE want to do. Because We are in it together. If school is not it, than WE need to decide what WE want to be doing. It hit hard. It had a great impact on me of being one, doing it together, going through it together, being supportive together. We still need to find a good balance between it all, but it's all about WE and not just HIM or ME. It made me think that I do want to be at school right now. I want him to be getting an education, and being here in Provo, and not doing something else. Because of that WE are all in it together and are going to have to live with the consequences good and bad of that choice, and work on it together. I want that to be a major theme throughout our life. If we ever move.. I want it to be a decision between us, but also a family decision, so that WE are all in it together. That the kids and everyone doesn't feel like it was just about us, or it's about them... but it's always about WE.... And I need to keep remembering to instead of saying HIM, YOU, ME... etc.... that I use WE.