This picture describes so well what I've been feeling lately. I've had so many varied thoughts going through my mind, that I wish I could be right back here on this bench to sort them out. I decided I would sort them out here on my blog. So this might be a long one. If your not interested then come back another day!:)
It has been so hard for me to get back into the swing of things after the retreat this last week. I don't know why it's been so difficult. Right now I'm missing my ScrapGirl friends terribly, and missing that association that we had there. It's not like we don't talk to them on the boards, but it's just not the same as in person.
I had a wonderful time coming back to my family. Beau had so many things in order, the kids were mellow, and it was just such a nice relaxing afternoon to be with them. I talked Beau's ear off non-stop about the whole experience. I've been trying to hop back in and get connected with everything and yet it's been a struggle. I've had tons of design ideas running through my head, and no time. I've had more vertigo which is frustrating because I still don't know the cause of it. So Tuesday when I finally had some time to sit and design, I had a horrible vertigo attack and all I could do was sit perfectly still all afternoon. Poor Savannah had to miss her dance class, because there was no way I could drive.
The next day when I finally had time, I came & sat down on my computer, started working on something and the computer just quit. I couldn't get it started again or turned back on. So there went that design time. Beau tried to fix it that night, and he got it working, but then it still kept doing it. Frustrating!
We had considered getting me a new computer, and have just been waiting. Well this helped us decide to go ahead. So today we ordered it. A screaming machine. I can't wait. He was given a dual processor, ordered a 19 inch wide flat screen which is TONS better than the fish bowl I'm using now, 4 G of Ram, 500 G of Hard Drive. Who hoo, I'm can't wait! A step up from this one! The best part is it'll only cost us $500. Thank goodness! The blessings of being married to a computer geek that likes to build them for you. :)
Today the girls and I decided we needed to get out and spend some one on one time. So we went to the bookstore and looked around, knocked over a display and rearranged their bookshelves so you'll never be able to find the book by it's author. It was a good time and they overall did a good job in the store while they waited for mom to find her books. We then picked up some Wendy's. They are always so excited when they actually get to have a happy meal. They normally don't. They asked me if they got to have a toy this time. Their faces just light up when I said yes. "Mirian we get a toy!"
So we took it to the park and had a picnic on a blanket. They then got to play on the playground for a while. It was exactly what I needed. Just time with them.
Today I have been listening to the General Conference from our church which I missed this last weekend. It's been wonderful to listen to it slow and let it sink in. Today I listened to a talk given by Sister Beck who is over the women's organization in our church called "Mothers Who Know". Such a good one. You can listen to it here if your needing a good reminder of your role as a mother. So I've been pondering it all day and my lesson that I'm supposed to teach in Relief Society (Our Church's Women's Meeting) on Sunday of the topic fortifying the family. One that I'm still trying to wrap my brain around.
One of the things that has really stuck in my mind though is a talk I heard yesterday about fellow shipping in church. Really taking care of each other. Serving each other, and knowing what is going on in the lives of those around us, and being the first there to serve and help. It can be found here as well. It's called Enduring together. He kept repeating this statement (which has really stuck in my mind. "When it happens to one, it happens to all." Meaning that when we are really involved in each others life, helping, serving and being there for each other; then when adversity and trials hit, we are all involved in it as well.
It has hit me so hard because of something Beau informed me of when he got back from his Bishopric meeting last night. A couple of weeks ago the girls and I were outside playing. An older gentleman that goes to our church walked by with his groceries. We normally see him everyday when we play outside, we've seen him at church. He walks a long distance every day for exercise and seems pretty on top of it.
This one day I saw him and he looked horrible! He was white as a ghost and could barely walk. I talked to him and asked him how things were going, and he didn't say much. I asked Beau about him later that day. If he knew if he had been sick, or if something was wrong with him. He didn't know. It was just such a huge change from how we've normally seen him. I got busy and forgot about him.
Last night Beau came in and asked me if I remembered seeing him and asking about if he had been sick. He told me that he had died sometime in the last couple of days. He told me that about a week ago another man in our church stopped by his house and knocked on the door, no one answered. He could hear sounds inside so went in. He found this dear brother stuck between the bathtub and the toilet where he had fallen and gotten stuck. He had been there for 3 days. 3 DAYS. I felt terrible. He had been stuck with no help, probably praying for help, maybe even unconscious. 3 days is a long time when waiting. They got him to the hospital and a few days later he died of an aneurysm. They don't know if he has any family, they have no one to contact and it is just so sad to me, that this man was so alone. It shouldn't be that way. Of course I felt guilty for not doing something when I noticed he was sick. I could have at least stopped by and offered him dinner, or to help, or just checked in on him.
Plus it has also made me realize that in the end I don't want to be alone. I hope that I haven't kept to myself so much over the years, that people don't know the difference if I'm around or not. I want my family to be involved, visiting with me, checking on me and making sure I'm ok. I don't want to get to that point and be alone.
The whole situation has just made me sick, and feel horrible for this poor man. It's made me want to do better, pay more attention, serve those around me more, and know what is going on in their lives. Serving them so when something happens to them, something happens to me as well.
I also listened to a talk found here on the importance of daily writing down things that happened during the day that the Lord blessed us with, or how we saw the Lord's hand in our lives. Ironically I was starting to do this with my Cherish book that I posted about on Your Actual. But it made me realize the importance of doing in a DAILY basis. So maybe that's my thoughts tonight. I've just had so many things going through my head from the retreat, the last couple of days, and have felt a need to write about them. Put them down and remember them.
This was a long post. Sorry. But if anything it wasn't for you, it was more for me. A chance to think out loud and remember these things that I've been pondering about the last couple of days.
I promise a shorter post next time! :)