Sunday, October 21, 2007

Real Life as a Mother

I really haven't abandoned this blog, although some of you faithful readers are probably wondering by now. I've just let life get in the way is all, but it has been a good thing too. The problem is I wait so long that I now feel like I have to catch up on so much.

Family Pictures
What a joke sometimes! This last Monday we went to a corn maze and pumpkin patch and had our friends take a few pictures. Out of the 30 or so that they snapped, this was the best of them all. Of course Mirian still isn't smiling. "What? You want me to look like I'm happy about belonging in this family?!" We were definitely asking too much of her. Ironic isn't it? When you go to take a family picture you want it to look all perfect. Everyone smiling and happy. Hair fixed and looking great. Is that reality. No way. Not even close.

We had a great time going with our friends. We hunted down the hidden friends in the corn maze, saw a bunch of animals, picked out our pumpkins and jumped on the big balloon trampoline. It was an allergy nightmare, between the corn, dust, animals, and any other possible speck of allergy forming materials, but I survived and made it through without any cases of Vertigo! Thank You!

ScrapGirls Anniversary! We celebrated ScrapGirls 3rd anniversary! I can't believe that I've been with them for 2 years already. I wasn't able to join in most of the festivities of crops, classes and contests, but I sure am glad to be a part of that wonderful place.

My life as a mother lately. Friday I babysat a little girl for our friends most of the day while they packed their house up for moving the next day. She is always so easy and no trouble at all. That night our other friends dropped their three off as well, so they could have their date night together. So for 4 hours we had 7 of them here. 2 -4 year olds, 3 - 2 year olds, and 2 babies less than 14 months old. Saturday we drove up to watch my sisters kids so they could go to the temple. So once again for about 3 hours we had 8 kids. 1 - 7 year old, 1 - 5 year old, 2 - 4 year olds, 1 - 2 year old, 1 -1 1/2 year old, and a 1 month old baby. Thank goodness for Beau. If it had just been me with Isaac, crawling all over me, while I'm trying to feed the 1 month old baby, and keep him from being laid on, while the 1 1/2 year old is trying to attack Isaac, I would have lost it for sure.

It's been about that time when I start considering when I want to have another child. Is it any surprise after a weekend like this that I was feeling perfectly happy and content with my 3, and not ready for another one anytime soon. I told Beau, I have to keep telling myself when we have our 12 kids that all 12 will not be under the age of 5. That they will range from teenagers down to the younger ones. (Twelve is the number Beau always tell people when they ask how many kids we're going to have. It always gets some great facial expressions, and questions you couldn't believe. It's pretty funny. I bet you did a double take on the number as well too, huh?)

Then today I got to wrestle them during church. That is always so much fun... Beau is in the bishopric and so he sits on the stand with the other leaders, with me wrestling 3 children on the bench for over an hour. Needless to say, I have a hard time getting a whole lot of spiritual upliftment during sacrament meeting lately. Trying to convince Savannah to keep her legs down since she's wearing a dress and to stop kicking the bench in front of us. Isaac who is wired and tired at the same time since it's naptime, but there is way too much going on to want to fall asleep. Mirian always wants to sit on my lap, but doesn't want to have Isaac sit with me. So that creates a battle. There is no way I'm putting him down, he'd be off in two seconds and I'd never see him again. So we settle for fruit loops. It's amazing how quiet they'll sit there with a handful of fruitloops in their laps. But then you have to make sure they aren't dumping them on the ground. All the while, trying to keep Isaac from bursting out with these little screams because he loves to hear his voice in that large room. Most of all I try to let everyone else around me have some sort of spiritual experience while we are there with our little rambunctious ones.

Well, Isaac got tired and he drank all of his bottle, so he started getting ornery. I tried to convince my two girls to just sit there quietly while I went to fill up his bottle. Nope. Before I knew it I had a train following me out of the meeting carrying fruit loops and dropping the sippy cup which starts rolling down the aisle as I got up to leave. We managed to survive the first meeting. If I can make it through that one, then I can take them to their children's classes in primary. I just have only Isaac to deal with, and the plan is always to get him to fall asleep so I can enjoy at least the next hour or two in peace, and get some sort of spiritual insight.

Lately, they have been asking me to substitute in the primary (the children's classes) which is fine and I'm more than willing to help. But a young mother who deals with kids 24 hours a day all day, looks forward so much to Sunday when she can sit for 2 hours in the adult Sunday School and Relief Society and be spiritually nourished on an adult level. I knew for sure if one of the primary leaders came up and asked me to help today, I would have broken down in tears, and said "I can't, I can't handle being around another kid right now, I need time for me. " Luckily for me, I wasn't asked today and was actually able to enjoy the rest of my meetings.

(This is more what real life is like)

You can always ask me after a Sunday with the kids, if I'm ready for another one. With my frazzled hair, short patience, and fruitloops and formula over my one semi nice outfit, I would say no way. Not right now. Give me a little bit more time. Well today as I was wrestling them I had the thought what if the next one turned out to be twins. TWINS!! My whole body started to hyperventilate, and I thought - "NO WAY! I am not getting pregnant! I don't even want to risk it. Twins, and these three on a church bench all by myself. No Way! Beau has how many more years? 2 at least, 5 at the most.... nope. Not doing it. Hmmm how is a 5 year space between Isaac and the next one? :)

Thank goodness for a sweet single sister that was sitting behind us today. She probably didn't get anything out of the meeting as well, how could she or anyone else that was in a 20 foot radius. When they said the closing prayer and I released all the tension, and my breath I had been holding in for the last 70 minutes, she reached up and put her hand on my shoulder. "I just want you to know your my hero. Someday I want to be like you." She had no idea how much that meant. I am by far not the greatest mom in the world, but it made me feel ok about what I was doing. I must be doing at least something right. That girl made my day.

So that is life as a mom. If your a mom you completely understand and have been there yourself. It's great and it's hard. It's rewarding and wonderful and it is trying. I would never change it in a million years, and somehow down the road here, I'll be itching for another little one despite these struggles and burn outs. When it does happen, it will be great and wonderful. I will somehow learn to manage with them just as I learned to manage with one, and then with two, and then with three. Eventually I'll manage with the fourth. We'll just hope it's not a fourth and a fifth at the same time! :)


Julie said...

I love your new blog header, Shalae! What a great picture! I enjoyed reading your post about "wrestling" your kids in church. I'm glad to know that I'm not the only one with those sorts of troubles! :) Have a great Monday!

Amber said...

HA HA! I am still smiling after reading your is all to fact I could just copy and paste the Sunday struggle into my own blog. Isn't it fun! :) I too have the baby itch...Josh is only 4 months old and tonight I was jealous of the two girls I saw who were pregnant. I love knowing I'm getting a new baby. But, all in good time and wisdom. Honestly, I've already taken like 5 pregnancy tests since I had Joshua...HA! Anytime I'm extra moody I just assume. :) It happens a lot. :) Love ya girl!

Laurel said...

Shalae, I completely feel for you. Just having Eli in sacrament meeting sometimes is a huge struggle, so trying to visualize more is scary right now! :) But you're right, there are those times when things are quiet and settled down and you think, "Yeah, I could go for another one." Once we have a little more space, that will happen. We'll see.

Oh man, the fruit loops comment made me laugh. It's the same deal with us and cheerios. All over the floor some weeks, but we just can't help it. Kids are messy. And I at least still have Nathan to help. You hang in there, you're a great mom! :)