Thursday, September 29, 2005

understanding me

The last few weeks have been challenge. Who am I and how do I balance it? I have struggled to find the time for everything that my heart wants. To create.... no matter what I do I'm an artist. It just keeps coming out, over and over. I'm excited about the chance to design since I haven't used that inner me for over 9 years.... to understand why I love it so much. Part of me screams out to just be able to pull out an easel, paint and to see what I can create... There's nothing more satisfying than smelling oil paints, pushing paint on canvas, and seeing images work their way forward from your mind. Out of all my roles, mother is the one that is seen the most, pushed forward the most, and is the most important right now. I have seen such a need to be here for my children, to raise them up to be good people, to let them know I love them, and especially to let them know that there is a God. It's hard to find that balance. How do I still find me between the demands of dishes, cooking, diapers, feedings, play times and my husband's school and needs. Yet how do I make sure to not let ME take over my most important things of faith, children and husband. It's a daily struggle, and I know I'm not the only mother out there struggling to find that inner balance either.

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