Trying Times

Today was a rough day being a mom. One of those days where you end the day wondering if you are going to severely mess your children up or realizing that you have sooo much work to do on being a parent.  By the end of the day I came to a few realizations after whining and tantrums, sibling fights, raised voices from all, tears, and frustration on every ones end.  I am realizing more and more how my kids are exact replica’s of myself. Their problems are really my problems.  Their bad habits were learned from my bad habits.  My inconsistency about things is only hurting them. If I can’t follow through, or expect exact obedience about things, how are they every going to learn how to be obedient to God.  If I don’t expect it, or follow through, or be consistent… they will grow up being lax about it as well. The other day in church I heard a quote from one of my favorite General Conference talks. 

 

“Faith is a gift of God bestowed as a reward for personal righteousness. It is always given when righteousness is present, and the greater the measure of obedience to God’s laws the greater will be the endowment of faith” (Mormon Doctrine, 2nd ed. [1966], 264). If we desire more faith, we must be more obedient. When we teach our children by example or precept to be casual or situational in obeying God’s commandments, we prevent them from receiving this vital spiritual gift. Faith requires an attitude of exact obedience, even in the small, simple things.” Elder Kevin Pearson

That doesn’t mean that I demand them to do everything and rule the roost. No they need to learn to govern themselves. But when it is a time when I feel like it’s something important, I need to learn to pick which battles really do matter and which ones are worth fighting.  Because no matter what it will cause a fight, and if I choose to fight, it better be something of significant importance. And if it is, I need to make sure that I am consistent and follow through.  That can be so hard after hours and hours of your kids wearing down your patience and your will. But if I give in they learn that they can be lax, that they don’t really have to be obedient fully, they don’t have to give their all.  That’s not how I want my kids to grow up. I want them growing up being obedient and knowing why they they need to be. I want them to be able to do hard things, really hard things. I want them to develop self discipline and mastery over self. 

So if that’s what I want from my kids, is that what I am?  That was the other great lesson I learned today… hypocrisy.  At one point today during a fight the spirit reminded me of this quote from this last General Conference. 

 

“Being consistent in our homes is important for another reason. Many of the Savior’s harshest rebukes were directed to hypocrites. Jesus warned His disciples concerning the scribes and Pharisees: “Do not ye after their works: for they say, and do not” (Matthew 23:3). This strong admonition is sobering given the counsel to “express love—and show it,” to “bear testimony—and live it,” and to “be consistent.”

The hypocrisy in our lives is most readily discerned and causes the greatest destruction within our own homes. And children often are the most alert and sensitive when it comes to recognizing hypocrisy.” – Elder David Bednar

If I can’t have self discipline over myself, how will I teach it to them. If I don’t do hard things, how can expect them to. If I can’t be completely obedient how will they learn. Example is everything… but oh is it so hard!  When I realized a couple of times today that I was asking something of Mirian that was something I wasn’t doing, I realized what a hypocrite I am.  Funny how Satan sees you acting like a hypocrite and uses it as the starting point to contention, pride, and fighting among members of a family. How he uses contention to pull us apart. 

 

It’s like that with Mirian.  She can see right through you. She knows. And when I start demanding, she starts fighting, which leads to butting of heads and wills, high strung emotions, words and tears… which usually ends in both of us crying and hugging each other, feeling terrible.

So this mother… has soo much to work on.  I hate days like this, and yet days like this are the days that really let you see the problem, whether you like it or not.  I need to make sure I’m practicing what I preach.This is my top favorite layout I’ve ever done. It made me smile too when at convention another designer told me that her favorite layout of mine was the one of my little girl throwing a tantrum….:) So in honor of a great day today… I thought this was a perfect fit!  Plus for all of you that think my life is perfect, that all my kids smile sweetly and are the angels I portray them to be; can know that this face right here, is a regular at our house.  And when I see it I think... ”Don’t worry. I know exactly how you feel.”