Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Babysitting or Mothering?

I had a great weekend. I was not looking forward to any part of this weekend in reality, but it turned out amazing. I had the opportunity to go to stake conference (A large church service with 7 other church congregations) and hear Elder Jones of the seventy. There were also some other great talks given, and I felt like I got a lot of personal promptings for things to do in my life. He spoke about personal revelation and how to recognize it in our lives and how to obtain it. It was so good.I left this weekend feeling rejuvenated. Spiritually uplifted and realizing that I'm doing ok. I'm trying and my intentions really are good despite all my weaknesses. Sometimes you just need that confirmation that your on the right path.

In the process of the weekend I had a whole list of blog posts, thoughts that I'm been mulling over in my mind, confirmations as to what should really be the most important thing in my life and how to be a better mother.

One thing that I have really been mulling over is our attitude towards our jobs of being mothers. When were first married I attended a class that was literally the MOST AMAZING class I have ever attended on being a mother. She explained the reality of it being the hardest job, but also the most fulfilling job we could ever have. She talk about how the greatest use for anti depressants are among stay home moms. Why? Because they know they should be home but they aren't sure how to really be a homemaker, how to really challenge themselves. They are taking the role of a babysitter. Cleaning, cooking, changing diapers, bathing, feeding, laundry, all the jobs of a mother, and finding no joy in it it. They have more the attitude of I HAVE to rather than I GET to.

She mentioned how most mothers are depressed because they've never been trained or taught homemaking skills. How to cook, sew, decorate, garden, can, craft, organize, clean, etc. They don't know how to make their house a home, how to be creative, how to manage a home, how to mother. Many women are not being fulfilled as mothers, they fill that they aren't intellectually being challenged. They don't feel like they get to be creative. They don't feel like they get to use their skills and talents that they got college educations for. They don't get to do what they used to do when they were single. In reality. It's all in their attitude. It's hard. Really hard. It takes adjusting. It takes patience. Nothing is more challenging than being a mother. But what greater opportunity do we have to learn, develop new skills, manage or be creative.

At our conference Elder Jones was talking about serving in our callings and recieving personal revelation. He said that when you have the attitude "I get to serve" you open the channel for revelation. When you have the attitude "I have to serve" you immediately block the channel and will recieve nothing. When he said this I immediately thought of my calling as a mother.

When I have the attitude of "Have to" do this, have to do laundry, have to clean... etc. I become a babysitter and the minute I have that attitude the channel is blocked. It's blocked for recieving revelation on how to help my family. It's blocked for feeling joy. It's blocked for feeling satisfaction. It's blocked for creativity. It's blocked for ideas of how to enjoy and love this job. It's blocked for seeing ways to accomplish things I'd personally like to do. I'm blocked... mentally, emotional, spiritually and physically.

When I have the attitude of "I Get to" clean my home to make it feel inviting, I get to cook new recipes, I get to be creative in ways to be frugal and get by on nothing, I get to be creative with my kids, I get to learn and develop new talents, I get to be a mom, I get to help my kids... then the channel is wide open. I am happy. I experience joy and satisfaction being a mother. I have all kinds of ideas of things I can do to better in my home, things to do with my kids. FUN things! I learn new stuff. These are some great posts from simple mom.

Your Home: The best company you can work for
How to be disorganized and unproductive: Don't like your job

So what are you doing? Mothering or babysitting. Having to or getting to. If you need some ideas to get you going... these are blogs and books that I love to read. They inspire me to be a better mom, to find joy in being a mother, to be creative, and they have made me grow immensely as a homemaker.

Simple Mom
Messy Canvas
Soule Mama
The Creative Family

This really is the best job in the world. This really can be the most creative, satisfying, joyful, amazing job in the world if you let it.


Tippetts Family said...

Man Shalae, lately your posts have hit me deep and have been issues I have been struggling with. I appreciate your insite and taking the courage to post it.

Spencer and Kimberly said...

Thanks Shalae. Being a better mom is something that I've been working on lately, so I really appreciate your insight and your ideas!

Mandy said...

I am so honored to be included in your list of blogs that have inspired you as a mom. Made my heart skip a beat to hear that. I am just glad I am finally getting to a place in life where I am not feeling like just a babysitter. Because I have been there, Oh Shalae, have I been there. And most days, I'm not now. And that's a big deal. You know. Thanks for this post.

regulargal said...

How inspiring is this post! I was having similar thoughts this morning-as the result of opposite ones yesterday. That class sounds like it was indeed wonderful and helpful! Thanks for so openly sharing your feelings (I've been a silent blog stalker for a while now), you never know how helpful they are to those of us reading them.